The next Revolution won’t be
Broadcast over network TV–
It’s gonna be baaad,
And it won’t feature ads–
You’ll just have to be there to see.
Author: admin
Nikki Giovanni calls the Poetry Crisis Line
COUNSELOR: Poetry Crisis Line, what is your emergency?
CALLER: While it is true
COUNSELOR: What is?
CALLER: (though only in a factual sense)
COUNSELOR: Facts are a good place to start. What are we discussing?
CALLER: That in the wake of a / Her-I-can
COUNSELOR: Is that where a Yes-we-can meets an I’m-with-her?
CALLER: comes a / Shower
COUNSELOR: Wishful thinking, I guess. Are you talking about a rain shower? Or a shower in your bathroom?
CALLER: Surely I am not
COUNSELOR: A baby shower?
CALLER: The gravitating force
COUNSELOR: Uh… a meteor shower?
CALLER: that keeps this house
COUNSELOR: Wait–your house was hit by a meteor?
CALLER: full of panthers
COUNSELOR: Uh… That’s a first. Did they call ahead?
CALLER: Why,
COUNSELOR: If they do, don’t anther.
CALLER: LBJ has made it
COUNSELOR: Do you mean the dead president? Or the LBJ Space Center?
CALLER: quite clear to me
COUNSELOR: If you say so. Do you think NASA makes a practice of packing wild animals into space rocks?
CALLER: He doesn’t give a / Good goddamn what I think
COUNSELOR: I do. Care what you think, I mean. I don’t stuff big cats into meteors.
CALLER: (else why would he continue to masterbate in public?)
COUNSELOR: I don’t know. Poor impulse control?
Read the original here
Langston Hughes calls the Poetry Crisis Line
COUNSELOR: Poetry Crisis Line, what is your emergency?
CALLER: Landlord,
COUNSELOR: I see. And what is your landlord trying to do?
CALLER: landlord,
COUNSELOR: I mean, is the landlord harassing you, or attempting to evict you?
CALLER: My roof has sprung a leak.
COUNSELOR: So, refusing to make necessary repairs. Is there water, water everywhere?
CALLER: Don’t you ‘member I told you about it / Way last week?
COUNSELOR: It may have been someone else who took your call.
CALLER: Landlord,
COUNSELOR: I mean another counselor here.
CALLER: landlord,
COUNSELOR: I don’t think your landlord works here. But if he does, it would be a conflict of interest for him to take your call.
CALLER: These steps is broken down.
COUNSELOR: So you think someone didn’t follow the steps properly in reporting a conflict of interest? That would be a problem. Or are you talking about a Twelve-Step program?
CALLER: When you come up yourself
COUNSELOR: I’m sorry, we don’t do home visits.
CALLER:It’s a wonder you don’t fall down.
COUNSELOR: Many people stumble on addiction programs. If you’re having trouble with Twelve Step, modern counseling methods may be more effective for you.
CALLER: Ten Bucks you say I owe you?
COUNSELOR: No, sir, this is a free service.
CALLER: Ten Bucks you say is due?
COUNSELOR: The crisis line is free. If we refer you, then the counseling may cost money, depending on your insurance.
CALLER: Well, that’s Ten Bucks more’n I’l pay you
COUNSELOR: That’s fine, sir. You aren’t obligated to give us money—now or in the future.
CALLER: Till you fix this house up new.
COUNSELOR: No, sir. We can help clarify the issues, but ultimately it’s up to you to solve your own problems.
Martin Niemöller calls the Poetry Crisis Line
COUNSELOR: Poetry Crisis Line, what is your emergency?
CALLER: First they came for the Socialists,
COUNSELOR: Really? Not for the beach, or the view, or the shopping?
CALLER: and I did not speak out—
COUNSELOR: It’s your vacation–you really ought to have a say.
CALLER: Because I was not a Socialist.
COUNSELOR: Exactly–so why would you want to go see them on your vacation–unless you mean, like, the Diego Rivera murals. Then–
CALLER: Then they came for the Trade Unionists,
COUNSELOR: Can you sue your travel agent for malpractice?
CALLER: and I did not speak out—
COUNSELOR: I’m just thinking out loud here
CALLER: Because I was not a Trade Unionist.
COUNSELOR: …and I’m starting to notice a pattern.
CALLER: Then they came for the Jews,
COUNSELOR: Right. Like it’s not bad enough when people drive around Pennsylvania and gawp at the Amish.
CALLER: and I did not speak out—
COUNSELOR: “It’s all right–ve look at the Jews.”
CALLER: Because I was not a Jew.
COUNSELOR: But hey, while you’re there maybe you can catch a Broadway show. I hear Hamilton’s good.
CALLER: Then
COUNSELOR: Waitaminit–I just realized. When you say “came for,” do you mean–
CALLER: they came for me—
COUNSELOR: What?? Are they there right now?
CALLER: and there was no one left to speak for me.
COUNSELOR: I’ll speak for you. Just hold the phone up, and I’ll yell really loud.
CALLER:…
COUNSELOR: Don’t take him! He’s got flat feet!!
CALLER: …
COUNSELOR: He’s really stringy!!!
CALLER:
COUNSELOR: I PROMISE, I’M MUCH MORE JUICY!!!
CALLER:…
Ursula K. Le Guin calls the Poetry Crisis Line
COUNSELOR: Poetry Crisis Line, what is your emergency?
CALLER: Why is it I want to cry?
COUNSELOR: I don’t know. Why do you think it is?
CALLER: Crow,
COUNSELOR: What, like the bird?
CALLER: crow,
COUNSELOR: Or the verb? When you say cry, do you mean you want to cry out? To crow about something?
CALLER: tell me.
COUNSELOR: I think you need to seek that answer for yourself.
CALLER: There is a shadow passing by.
COUNSELOR: It’s OK if you want to wait for it to pass. Or you can go into the shadow and look for the answer. However you’d like.
CALLER: The willows call me.
COUNSELOR: Are they on the other line? Do you need to get that?
CALLER: Why would an old woman weep?
COUNSELOR: There are many reasons. What’s yours?
CALLER: Willow,
COUNSELOR: The ones on call waiting?
CALLER: tell me, willow.
COUNSELOR: No, ma’am, this is still the Poetry Crisis Line. The willows are on the other line.
CALLER: Crows went flying through my sleep.
COUNSELOR: That sounds distracting. Did they land in the willows?
CALLER: I cry and follow
COUNSELOR: I’m sorry. I’m afraid I really don’t follow.
Robert Browning calls the Poetry Crisis Line
COUNSELOR: Poetry crisis line, what is your emergency?
CALLER: Rats!
COUNSELOR: I’m sorry, do you mean rodents or police informants?
CALLER: They fought the dogs
COUNSELOR: That doesn’t answer my question.
CALLER: And killed the cats
COUNSELOR: Those would have to be tough rodents.
CALLER: And bit the babies in the cradle
COUNSELOR: That sounds like a serious problem.
CALLER: Drank the soup from the chef’s own ladle
COUNSELOR: That sounds like a less serious problem.
CALLER: Made nests inside men’s Sunday hats.
COUNSELOR: That sounds like a downright hilarious problem.
CALLER: They even–
COUNSELOR: I mean, can you picture some guy putting on his hat and finding–
CALLER: –spoiled the women’s chats
COUNSELOR: How is that–
CALLER: By drowning their speaking / in shrieking and squeaking / in fifty different sharps and flats.
COUNSELOR: I was going to ask how that’s as important as killing cats and biting babies, but thanks for the clarification.
CALLER: At last the people in a body / To the town hall came flocking.
COUNSELOR: And how did that work out?
CALLER: “It’s clear,” said they, “our mayor’s a noddy–“
COUNSELOR: Do you mean a bird–or does he just doze off a lot?
CALLER: And as for the corporation,
COUNSELOR: Yes, this corporate personhood thing has gone way too far.
CALLER: Shocking!
COUNSELOR: Absolutely.
CALLER: To think we buy gowns lined with ermine
COUNSELOR: Wow, really?
CALLER: For dolts who can’t or won’t determine–
COUNSELOR: Though I should clarify that an ermine is a mustelid, not a rodent.
CALLER: –what’s best to rid us of our vermin.
COUNSELOR: It’s a common mistake. The class mustelidae includes otters, minks, meerkats, and wolverines; but mice rats, beavers, and capybaras are rodents.
CALLER: You hope because you’re old and obese
COUNSELOR: Excuse me?
CALLER: To find in the furry civic robes ease?
COUNSELOR: I do not wear fur, I am a perfectly healthy weight for my body type, and the Poetry Crisis Line is largely funded by private donations–at least thirty-five percent.
CALLER: Rouse up, sirs!
COUNSELOR: Do I sound like a sir to you?
CALLER: Give your brains a racking / To find the remedy we’re lacking!
COUNSELOR: No, sir. I can help you find a solution if you are willing to be helped, but ultimately that solution has to come from you.
CALLER: Or sure as fate we’ll send you packing
COUNSELOR: Not if I send you first. Goodbye.
Robert Service calls the Poetry Crisis Line, part 1
COUNSELOR: Poetry Crisis Line, what is your emergency?
CALLER: There are strange things done in the midnight sun
COUNSELOR: By whom?
CALLER: By the men who moil
COUNSELOR: Yeah, that seems strange to me too. I wonder why someone would take that up as a profession.
CALLER: for gold;
COUNSELOR: You don’t think it’s some sort of sacred calling?
CALLER: The Arctic trails have their secret tales
COUNSELOR: Mohels…gold…secrets. Have you been reading The Protocols of the Elders of Zion?
CALLER: That would make your blood run cold;
COUNSELOR: Well, yeah. But it’s propaganda.
CALLER: The Northern Lights
COUNSELOR: Is that a bar?
CALLER: have seen queer sights,
COUNSELOR: More propaganda. No one’s trying to change your orientation.
CALLER: But the queerest they ever did see
COUNSELOR: It isn’t a competition.
CALLER: Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge
COUNSELOR: And I’m not here to judge.
CALLER: I cremated Sam McGee.
COUNSELOR: Huh. I’ve never heard it called that before.
Read Part 2 here
Gwendolyn Brooks calls the Poetry Crisis Line
COUNSELOR: Poetry Crisis Line, what is your–
CALLER: John Cabot,
COUNSELOR: I was going to ask what your emergency is, not your–
CALLER: out of Wilma,
COUNSELOR: I don’t know where that is.
CALLER: once a Wycliffe,
COUNSELOR: I’m sorry where is that exactly?
CALLER: all whitebluerose
COUNSELOR: And that’s located…?
CALLER: below his golden hair,
COUNSELOR: Um… geographically?
CALLER: wrapped richly in right linen and right wool,
COUNSELOR: Never mind. What are you calling about?
CALLER: almost forgot his Jaguar
COUNSELOR: Like the big cat? Or the sportscar?
CALLER: and Lake Bluff;
COUNSELOR: And we’re back to geography again. Dude, where’s your car?
CALLER: almost forgot
COUNSELOR: Yeah, I kind of noticed that.
CALLER: Grandtully
COUNSELOR: Where’s that?
CALLER: (which is The / Best Thing That Ever Happened To Scotch);
COUNSELOR: Scotch Plains? In New Jersey?
CALLER: almost / forgot
COUNSELOR: Again? OK, is there some kind of landmark that can help you remember?
CALLER: the sculpture
COUNSELOR: Good. And where is this sculpture located?
CALLER: at the Richard Gray
COUNSELOR: And that’s where?
CALLER: and Distelheim;
COUNSELOR: Right. Is that a real place? It sounds like one of those countries from Lord of the Rings.
CALLER: the kidney pie at Maxim’s, / the Grenadine de Boeuf at Maison Henri.
COUNSELOR: Yeah, Tolkien did go on and on about the food sometimes.
CALLER: Because the Negroes were coming down the street.
COUNSELOR: Excuse me?
CALLER: Because the Poor were sweaty and unpretty
COUNSELOR: Wait–so you’re calling because you saw some African Americans on the street? That’s really not cool.
CALLER: (not like Two Dainty Negroes in Winnetka)
COUNSELOR: You’re not helping yourself here.
CALLER: and they were coming toward him in rough ranks.
COUNSELOR: Rank? So they’re in uniform?
CALLER: In seas. In windsweep.
COUNSELOR: Is it Fleet Week already?
CALLER: They were black and loud.
COUNSELOR: I guess so.
CALLER: And not detainable. And not discreet.
COUNSELOR: Yep. That sounds like Fleet Week.
CALLER: Gross.
COUNSELOR: Please don’t judge people.
CALLER: Gross.
COUNSELOR: Why? What are they doing?
CALLER: “Que tu es grossier!”
COUNSELOR: You’re grossed out because they’re talking French?
CALLER: John Cabot / itched instantly
COUNSELOR: Instantly? Usually stuff that’ll make you itch isn’t spread through casual contact. You’d have to go–
CALLER: beneath the nourished white
COUNSELOR: If that’s what you’d like to call it.
CALLER: that told his story of glory to the World.
COUNSELOR: A bit full of yourself, aren’t you?
CALLER: “Don’t let It touch me!
COUNSELOR: What?
CALLER: the blackness!
COUNSELOR: Oh my God…
CALLER: Lord!”
COUNSELOR: Yeah, whatever.
CALLER: he whispered / to any handy angel in the sky.
COUNSELOR: Look, I’m sorry if I offended your sensibilities, but…
CALLER: But, in a thrilling announcement,
COUNSELOR: What? You have _more_ to say? You may want to quit while you’re . . . uh. . .
CALLER: on It drove
COUNSELOR: What? I thought you couldn’t find your car.
CALLER: and breathed on him: and touched him.
COUNSELOR: OK–so, back to my earlier question: What has you so grossed out? Because I think the problem might not be–
CALLER: In that breath / the fume of pig foot, chitterling and cheap chili,
COUNSELOR: Right. Do you realize how you sound right now?
CALLER: malign,
COUNSELOR: Exactly.
CALLER: mocked John.
COUNSELOR: I’m not mocking you, it’s just that it sounds like you’ve got a pretty good life, with a lot of nice things, but you’re getting all worked up because you saw some noisy black people walking down the street. That isn’t cool, man.
CALLER: And, in terrific touch, old / averted doubt jerked forward decently,
COUNSELOR: About time.
CALLER: cried, “Cabot! John! You are a desperate man, / and
COUNSELOR: You don’t sound desperate exactly–you just need to get your priorities in order before–
CALLER: the desperate die expensively today.”
COUNSELOR: Exactly.
CALLER: John Cabot went down in the smoke and fire
COUNSELOR: Wait–you’re not him?
CALLER: and broken glass
COUNSELOR: Hang on. This is a woman’s voice.
CALLER: and
COUNSELOR: And I’ve heard this voice before, at a reading, I think.
CALLER: blood, and he cried
COUNSELOR: OMG, am I talking to Gwendolyn Brooks?
CALLER: “Lord! / Forgive these n—–s that know not what they do.”
COUNSELOR: It’s OK Ms. Brooks. We cool. [puts on sunglasses] We real cool.
Lewis Carroll calls the Poetry Crisis Line
COUNSELOR: Poetry Crisis Line, what is your emergency?
CALLER: Twas brillig
COUNSELOR: Like you use to scrub pots?
CALLER: …and the slithy toves
COUNSELOR: Those must be hard to get off of cast iron.
CALLER: … did gyre and gimble…
COUNSELOR: Was the gyre widening? Was anything turning and turning within it?
CALLER: …in the wabe.
COUNSELOR: No, I mean the gyre.
CALLER: All mimsey were the borogoves
COUNSELOR: That’s nice
CALLER: And the mome raths outgrabe.
COUNSELOR: Eek!
CALLER: Beware the jabberwock…
COUNSELOR: How is that different from a regular wok? Is it harder to clean?
CALLER: my son
COUNSELOR: Yeah, it’s important to teach kids to cook, but they can make a big mess.
CALLER: The jaws that bite…
COUNSELOR: Oh, is he a little kid?
CALLER: …the claws that catch.
COUNSELOR: With poor impulse control?
CALLER: Beware the jubjub bird,
COUNSELOR: Yeah, I don’t recommend teaching your pet to cook.
CALLER: and shun–
COUNSELOR: It’s not shunning, it’s just…animals and fire? Never a good idea.
CALLER: The frumious bandersnatch.
COUNSELOR: What did you just call me?
Adrienne Rich calls the Poetry Crisis Line
COUNSELOR: Poetry Crisis Line, what is your emergency?
CALLER: The trees inside are moving out into the forest,
COUNSELOR: That makes me sad, too, when it’s time to take the tree down.
CALLER: the forest–
COUNSELOR: Or are you afraid you might never see a poem that’s as lovely?
CALLER: –that was empty all these days
COUNSELOR: How can a forest be empty? I mean, if it’s empty, what makes it a forest?
CALLER: where no bird could sit / no insect hide
COUNSELOR: Oh, so you mean empty of living things? I mean, except that the trees are also living.
CALLER: no sun bury its feet in shadow
COUNSELOR: So it’s dark there, too? And empty? Is it also silent?
CALLER: the forest that was empty all these nights / will be full of trees by morning.
COUNSELOR: I see. But if they fall, will they make a sound?