Clement Clarke Moore calls the Poetry Crisis Line on the Night Before Christmas

ROSIE (counselor): Poetry Crisis Line, what is your emergency?
CLEMENT CLARKE MOORE: ‘Twas the night before Christmas
ROSIE: ‘Tis!
MOORE: When—
ROSIE: Right now!
MOORE: All through the house
ROSIE: All through the Western Hemisphere!

From “A Visit from St. Nicholas,” by Clement Clarke Moore

Clement Clarke Moore calls the Poetry Crisis Line

Poetry Crisis Line, what is your emergency?

CALLER: ‘Twas the night before Christmas,

COUNSELOR: Yes, the holidays can be a stressful time.

CALLER: when

COUNSELOR: You know, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s. They can be a lot of fun, but the preparations can be difficult for some people.

CALLER: all through the house

COUNSELOR: For everyone? You might consider a low-key celebration instead of running your family ragged beforehand.

CALLER: Not a creature was stirring,

COUNSELOR: That’s not unusual. If everyone’s as frazzled as you say, then it’s healthy to take a rest.

CALLER: not even a mouse;

COUNSELOR: Now, that’s cause for concern. If the animals are also lethargic, you might want to look for an external cause.

CALLER: The stockings were hung

COUNSELOR: I don’t think that’s it. No matter how bad your socks smell, they aren’t likely to–

CALLER: by the chimney

COUNSELOR: That could be a problem. Have you lit a fire in the fireplace?

CALLER: with care,

COUNSELOR: I’m glad you’re practicing fire safety, sir, but have you had your chimney cleaned recently? A blocked flue could lead to carbon monoxide in your house. Especially if you haven’t used the fireplace in a long time, like if you lit the fire as a special holiday treat, or–

CALLER: In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;

COUNSELOR: Now that’s just twisted

If All Poems Were Limericks: A Visit from St. Nicholas, by Clement Clarke Moore

‘Twas the night before Christmas. The hoof

Of a reindeer alit on the roof,

Which needed repair,

So now there’s a deer

In the kitchen, dear. Sorry. My goof.

 

 

 

[Want more Moore? The Poetry Crisis Line call for this poem will up on Christmas Eve.]