Clement Clarke Moore calls the Poetry Crisis Line

Poetry Crisis Line, what is your emergency?

CALLER: ‘Twas the night before Christmas,

COUNSELOR: Yes, the holidays can be a stressful time.

CALLER: when

COUNSELOR: You know, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s. They can be a lot of fun, but the preparations can be difficult for some people.

CALLER: all through the house

COUNSELOR: For everyone? You might consider a low-key celebration instead of running your family ragged beforehand.

CALLER: Not a creature was stirring,

COUNSELOR: That’s not unusual. If everyone’s as frazzled as you say, then it’s healthy to take a rest.

CALLER: not even a mouse;

COUNSELOR: Now, that’s cause for concern. If the animals are also lethargic, you might want to look for an external cause.

CALLER: The stockings were hung

COUNSELOR: I don’t think that’s it. No matter how bad your socks smell, they aren’t likely to–

CALLER: by the chimney

COUNSELOR: That could be a problem. Have you lit a fire in the fireplace?

CALLER: with care,

COUNSELOR: I’m glad you’re practicing fire safety, sir, but have you had your chimney cleaned recently? A blocked flue could lead to carbon monoxide in your house. Especially if you haven’t used the fireplace in a long time, like if you lit the fire as a special holiday treat, or–

CALLER: In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;

COUNSELOR: Now that’s just twisted

If All Poems Were Limericks: A Visit from St. Nicholas, by Clement Clarke Moore

‘Twas the night before Christmas. The hoof

Of a reindeer alit on the roof,

Which needed repair,

So now there’s a deer

In the kitchen, dear. Sorry. My goof.

 

 

 

[Want more Moore? The Poetry Crisis Line call for this poem will up on Christmas Eve.]