Nobody calls the Poetry Crisis Line

[original by Emily Dickinson]

STAFFER: Poetry Crisis Line, what is your emergency?
CALLER: I’m Nobody!
STAFFER: It’s OK–at the Poetry Crisis Line, we respect your privacy.
CALLER: Who are you?
STAFFER: We respect my privacy also.
CALLER: Are you – Nobody – too?
STAFFER: If that’s how you’d like to think of it.
CALLER: Then there’s a pair of us!
STAFFER: No, we respect everyone’s privacy.
CALLER: Don’t tell!
STAFFER: Exactly.
CALLER: they’d advertise –
STAFFER: Who would?
CALLER: you know!
STAFFER: Right. Are they listening in already?
CALLER: How dreary – to be – Somebody!
STAFFER: Did you take diction lessons from William Shatner?
CALLER: How public –
STAFFER: No, we respect your privacy. I was just–
CALLER: like a Frog –
STAFFER: No, I mean it!
CALLER: To tell one’s name –
STAFFER: Again, you don’t have to.
CALLER: the livelong June –
STAFFER: Well hello, June. Nice to meet you.
CALLER: To an admiring Bog!
STAFFER: That’s not the best place for privacy. No one will bother you while you’re there, but if you fall in you could end up preserved for thousands of years, then put on display in a museum.