Category: One-liners

Poetry Crisis Lime part 2

Read Part 1 here.

SFX (coconuts): clop clop    clop clop    clop clop    clop clop

POETRY CRISIS LIME: Aaaaaagh!

JUICED ORANGE HALVES: It’s only a flesh wound!

HARRY NILSSON: And call me in the mo-orning.

Listen to “Coconut” by Harry Nilsson here.

Did you know that Harry Nilsson supplied the actual coconuts used in Monty Python and the Holy Grail? Read more here.

Abraham Lincoln calls the Poetry Crisis Line

Happy Presidents Day from the Poetry Crisis Line!

PATIENCE (counselor): Poetry Crisis Line, what is your emergency?
ABRAHAM LINCOLN (caller): My childhood’s home I see again, and sadden with the view.
PATIENCE: These are difficult times, sir. Many people have had to move back home. There’s no shame in it. And if watching The View makes you sad, you can change the channel.

From “My Childhood Home I See Again” by Abraham Lincoln.

Priscilla Jane Thompson calls the Poetry Crisis Line

From “Emancipation” by Priscilla Jane Thompson

On this day in 1865, Abraham Lincoln signed the 13th Amendment, outlawing slavery in the United States.

PATIENCE (counselor): Poetry Crisis Line, what is your emergency?
PRISCILLA JANE THOMPSON (caller): Bring your harpers, bring your sages.
PATIENCE: Got ’em! Are we smudging the White House?