COUNSELOR: Poetry Crisis Line, what is your emergency?

CALLER: Landlord,

COUNSELOR: I see. And what is your landlord trying to do?

CALLER: landlord,

COUNSELOR: I mean, is the landlord harassing you, or attempting to evict you?

CALLER: My roof has sprung a leak.

COUNSELOR: So, refusing to make necessary repairs. Is there water, water everywhere?

CALLER: Don’t you ‘member I told you about it / Way last week?

COUNSELOR: It may have been someone else who took your call.

CALLER: Landlord,

COUNSELOR: I mean another counselor here.

CALLER: landlord,

COUNSELOR: I don’t think your landlord works here. But if he does, it would be a conflict of interest for him to take your call.

CALLER: These steps is broken down.

COUNSELOR: So you think someone didn’t follow the steps properly in reporting a conflict of interest? That would be a problem. Or are you talking about a Twelve-Step program?

CALLER: When you come up yourself

COUNSELOR: I’m sorry, we don’t do home visits.

CALLER:It’s a wonder you don’t fall down.

COUNSELOR: Many people stumble on addiction programs. If you’re having trouble with Twelve Step, modern counseling methods may be more effective for you.

CALLER: Ten Bucks you say I owe you?

COUNSELOR: No, sir, this is a free service.

CALLER: Ten Bucks you say is due?

COUNSELOR: The crisis line is free. If we refer you, then the counseling may cost money, depending on your insurance.

CALLER: Well, that’s Ten Bucks more’n I’l pay you

COUNSELOR: That’s fine, sir. You aren’t obligated to give us money—now or in the future.

CALLER: Till you fix this house up new.

COUNSELOR: No, sir. We can help clarify the issues, but ultimately it’s up to you to solve your own problems.