James W. Hall calls the Poetry Crisis Line

COUNSELOR: Poetry Crisis Line, what is your emergency?
CALLER: All my pwoblems
COUNSELOR: Could you be more specific?

CALLER: who knows, maybe evwybody’s pwoblems
COUNSELOR: That would be less specific, sir. Can you focus on the problem you’re facing right now?
CALLER: is due to da fact,
COUNSELOR: So they all share a single cause? Like addiction or an overbearing mother?
CALLER: due to da awful truth
COUNSELOR: It’s OK. You can tell me.
CALLER: dat I am SPIDERMAN.
COUNSELOR: Wow. Really? I’m a huge fan!
CALLER: I know. I know. All da dumb jokes:
COUNSELOR: Oh, you mean like how the villains always call you “webhead,” like you haven’t heard it before?
CALLER: No flies on you, ha ha,
COUNSELOR: That one is new to me.
CALLER: and da ones about what do I do wit all / doze extwa legs in bed.
COUNSELOR: People really say that?
CALLER: Well, dat’s funny yeah.
COUNSELOR: Maybe a little bit.
CALLER: But you twy being / SPIDERMAN for a month or two.
COUNSELOR: That’s not what I was saying, I just–
CALLER: Go ahead.
COUNSELOR: I just think you should stop beating yourself up about your Uncle Ben, that’s all.

 

 

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