Charles Simic calls the Poetry Crisis Line

ROSIE (counselor): Poetry Crisis Line, what is your emergency?
CHARLES SIMIC (caller): What I need is a seraph and a pig.
ROSIE: Uh…okay. Care to elaborate?
SIMIC: The pig to eat and the seraph to ask questions.
ROSIE: Like whether it’s OK to eat pork?

From “Back at the Chicken Shack” by Charles Simic

Rest in peace, Charles Simic (1938-2023)

 

Clement Clarke Moore calls the Poetry Crisis Line (or does he?) – part 5

MOORE: With Ma in her nightgown, and me in my cap

BREAKING:
It has come to our attention that “Account of a Visit from St. Nicholas” may have originally been written not by Clement Clarke Moore, but by Revolutionary War Major Henry Livingston, Jr.

This poses a conundrum for the cartoonist, as it calls into question what sort of cap the poet was wearing.

Dolly Parton calls the Country Music Crisis Line (part 2)

(continued from last week)

KIM (counselor): Country Music Crisis Line, what is your emergency?
DOLLY PARTON (caller): Jolene,
KIM: Ma’am, this is the Country Music Crisis Line.
PARTON: Jolene,
KIM: I think you may have the wrong number.
PARTON: Jolene, JO-LEE-EE-ENE,
KIM: There’s no Jolene here. Maybe I can help you?
PARTON: I’m begging of you, please don’t take my man.
KIM: I wasn’t planning on it, ma’am.
PARTON: Your beauty is beyond compare
KIM: Thank you!
PARTON: With flaming locks of auburn hair
KIM: Oh…um…hold on.
KIM (to Rosie): I think this call is for you.

Dolly Parton calls the Country Music Crisis Line

The Poetry Crisis Line congratulates Dolly Parton on her recent induction into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (and apologizes for the rather poor likeness).

KIM (counselor): Country Music Crisis Line, what is your emergency?
DOLLY PARTON (caller): Jolene,
KIM: Ma’am, this is the Country Music Crisis Line.
PARTON: Jolene,
KIM: I think you may have the wrong number.
PARTON: Jolene, JO-LEE-EE-ENE,
KIM: There’s no Jolene here. Maybe I can help you?
PARTON: I’m begging of you, please don’t take my man.
KIM: I wasn’t planning on it, ma’am.