WILLIAM: The plums were lovely, dark and deep, an–
Scratch that. It just seemed to creep in.
So much depends on your forgiveness. I don’t know if I can live this
down. My face is glazed with tears and, near my mouth and thumb,
the sweet and sticky juices of plums, plums, plums, plums plums, plums PLUMS!
WILLIAM CARLOS WILLIAMS: In the icebox there were plums, and I have eaten every one, and
only then I thought about what you had bought them for.
Sheepishly, I ask in sorrow, what now will we eat tomorrow?
They were sweet and cold, and on my knees I now implore:
Will you forgive me?
FLORENCE WILLIAMS: Nevermore.
SELF-DEFENSE INSTRUCTOR: What do you do if someone comes at you with a banana?
STUDENT 1: Oi!
STUDENT 3: It’s a pandemic!
STUDENT 2: Put a condom on that thing!
INSTRUCTOR: A condom? On a banana?
STUDENT 2: Fancies ‘imself an instructor.
STUDENT 3: An’ ‘e’s never put a condom on a banana.
STUDENT 2: It’s all I remember from secondary school.
Read Part 1 here.
SFX (coconuts): clop clop clop clop clop clop clop clop
POETRY CRISIS LIME: Aaaaaagh!
JUICED ORANGE HALVES: It’s only a flesh wound!
HARRY NILSSON: And call me in the mo-orning.
Listen to “Coconut” by Harry Nilsson here.
Did you know that Harry Nilsson supplied the actual coconuts used in Monty Python and the Holy Grail? Read more here.
Mr. Neruda’s lines are from The Book of Questions, by Pablo Neruda.
Mr. Bukowski’s line is from When Harry Met Sally, by Nora Ephron