SELF-DEFENSE INSTRUCTOR: What do you do if someone comes at you with a banana?
STUDENT 1: Oi!
STUDENT 3: It’s a pandemic!
STUDENT 2: Put a condom on that thing!
INSTRUCTOR: A condom? On a banana?
STUDENT 2: Fancies ‘imself an instructor.
STUDENT 3: An’ ‘e’s never put a condom on a banana.
STUDENT 2: It’s all I remember from secondary school.
Read Part 1 here.
SFX (coconuts): clop clop clop clop clop clop clop clop
POETRY CRISIS LIME: Aaaaaagh!
JUICED ORANGE HALVES: It’s only a flesh wound!
HARRY NILSSON: And call me in the mo-orning.
Listen to “Coconut” by Harry Nilsson here.
Did you know that Harry Nilsson supplied the actual coconuts used in Monty Python and the Holy Grail? Read more here.
Read Round 1 here.
Mr. Neruda’s lines are from The Book of Questions, by Pablo Neruda.
Mr. Bukowski’s line is from When Harry Met Sally, by Nora Ephron
