SELF-DEFENSE INSTRUCTOR: What do you do if someone comes at you with a banana?
STUDENT 1: Oi!
STUDENT 3: It’s a pandemic!
STUDENT 2: Put a condom on that thing!
INSTRUCTOR: A condom? On a banana?
STUDENT 2: Fancies ‘imself an instructor.
STUDENT 3: An’ ‘e’s never put a condom on a banana.
STUDENT 2: It’s all I remember from secondary school.
Read Part 1 here.
SFX (coconuts): clop clop clop clop clop clop clop clop
POETRY CRISIS LIME: Aaaaaagh!
JUICED ORANGE HALVES: It’s only a flesh wound!
HARRY NILSSON: And call me in the mo-orning.
Listen to “Coconut” by Harry Nilsson here.
Did you know that Harry Nilsson supplied the actual coconuts used in Monty Python and the Holy Grail? Read more here.
Mr. Neruda’s lines are from The Book of Questions, by Pablo Neruda.
Mr. Bukowski’s line is from When Harry Met Sally, by Nora Ephron