Ozymandias calls the Poetry Crisis Line as William Carlos Williams eats a tire.

WILLIAM CARLOS WILLIAMS (counselor): Poetry Crisis Line, what is your emergency?
OZYMANDIAS (caller): Look on my works, ye mighty , and DESPAIR!
WILLIAMS: I have eaten de spare that was in the icebox.

Any resemblance between Ozymandias and actual arrogant despots approaching irrelevancy is purely intentional.

The Cure at Troy call the Poetry Crisis Line

JERRY (counselor): Poetry Crisis Line, what is your emergency?
THE CURE (chorus): Human beings suffer
JERRY: Philosophers have written a great deal on the question of why people suffer.
THE CURE: They torture one another
JERRY: That is one reason.

Excerpted from The Cure at Troy by Seamus Heaney.