Category: A. A. Milne

10 Reasons Men Get Mad if a Woman Would Rather Meet a Bear

10 Reasons Men Get Mad if a Woman Would Rather Meet a Bear

  1. Thinks it’s a sexual fetish
  2. Thinks it’s a scatological fetish (does a bear sh*t in the woods?)
  3. Thinks this meeting could’ve been an email
  4. Spends hours at the gym to be an alpha male, and now he’s going to have to compete with bears?
  5. Was traumatized by
    a. Grizzly Man
    b. Cocaine Bear
    c. Paddington Bear
    d. Winnie the Pooh
    e. All of the above
  6. A bear broke his heart once, and he doesn’t want anyone else to go through that.
  7. His ex chose her _____ over him, and he never got over it.
    a. Dog
    b. Cat
    c. Plecostamus
    d. Stuffed animals
  8. A bear ate his Twinkies once, and he never got over it.
  9. For a being of pure rationality, it hurts when people don’t see your superior wisdom.
  10. Of course a bear is gonna see her as prey—who wouldn’t?

The Queen of Cheese Presents: The Tygger

Tygger! Tygger! Bouncing high,

Bumping Hundred Acre Sky,

What intrepid toymaker

Did Stytch thy Joyntes & Stuff thy Furr?

 

And what Rubber, & what Sprynggs

Formed thy soft Internal Things?

When thy legs began to Pogo,

Whence thy Get-Up? Whence thy Go-Go?

 

Does thy Boundless energy

Bounce out? Or is it Bound to thee?

When thou Bounced the Baby Roo

Into the pond, didst thou splash, too?

 

Who did place thy fluff-stuffed head

In a sleeping child’s bed?

While he sleepest, might thou Pounce?

Who can sleep while Tyggers Bounce?

 

And in all thy wondrous fun,

Art thou indeed the only one?

Frame thy playful symmetry:

Did he who made the Pooh make thee?

 

Tygger! Tygger! Bouncing high,

Bumping Hundred Acre Sky–

Softly doth the Bear reply,

Cottleston, Cotlleston, Cottleston pie.