Still More Mythical Waterfowl
- Duck of Earl
- Duckleberry Finn
- Plague Ducktaur
- Ducktaur Who
Lesser-Known Mythical Waterfowl
A rabbit, a lamb, and a duck
were trying to flag down a truck
full of colorful eggs—
the lamb stuck out her leg
and barely missed being lamb chuck.
A duck asked a lamb and a rabbit
while dyeing eggs, “Golly dagnabit,
why on earth do we task
ourselves with filling bask-
ets each year?” and the rabbit said, “Habit.”
A rabbit, a duck, and a lamb
met a pig, and they started to jam.
“Don’t try to outdo him,”
a spider who knew him
said. “He’s an INCREDIBLE ham.”
PATTI LA BELLE: Voulez vous acheter un canard?
LIL’ KIM: Un quoi?
LIL’ KIM (to Pink): Voulez vous acheter un canard?
PINK: Un quoi?
PINK (to Christina Aguilera): Voulez vous acheter un canard?
CHRISTINA AGUILERA: Un quoi?
MYA: Canard à l’orange marmalade.
PATTI: You wanna buy a duck?
KIM: A what?
KIM (to Pink): You wanna buy a duck?
PINK: A what?
PINK (to Christina): You wanna buy a duck?
CHRISTINA: A what?
MYA: Duck à l’orange marmalade.
The poet Jacques Prevert was born 121 years ago today.
232 years ago, George Washington was elected the first President of the United States of America.
I haven’t looked into whether any notable events occurred 343 years ago today. This one got away from me enough already.
Based on “Quartier Libre” by Jacques Prevert
LUCKY (operator): Poetry Dial-A-Joke, what can I do ya fer?
JACQUES PREVERT (caller): I put my cap in the cage and went out with the bird on my head.
LUCKY: Did you go to a doctor’s office with a duck on your head and—
GENERAL WASHINGTON (commanding officer, as quoted by PREVERT): “So one no longer salutes?”…
LUCKY: You could run it up the flagpole and see.
PREVERT: …asked the commanding officer.
LUCKY: To salute?
DUCK (as quoted by PREVERT): “No…”
LUCKY: To get this guy off your butt?
DUCK: “…One no longer salutes”
PREVERT said the bird.
LUCKY: I’m confused.
DUCK: “Ah good.”
LUCKY: If you have to explain a joke…
WASHINGTON (quoted): “Excuse me I thought one saluted”
LUCKY: That’s what she said.
PREVERT: …said the commanding officer.
LUCKY: What are you, some kind of prevert?
DUCK: You are fully excused; everybody makes mistakes.
PREVERT: …said the bird.
LUCKY: I’ll give you a bird, buddy.
NOTE: One may wonder, of course, why a French citizen would have an American commanding officer, but I once heard a historian on the radio explain that the reason people see George Washington rather than Ben Franklin as the hero of the American Revolution is that if we see General Washington as the hero it means we won because God was on our side, whereas if we see diplomat Franklin as the hero it means we won because France was on our side.
But honestly, if that’s all you’re wondering about this post, then you’re doing better than I am.