Bob Dylan redux

ROSIE (counselor): Poetry Crisis Line, what is your emergency?
BOB DYLAN (caller): how many roads must a man walk down
ROSIE: I’m not sure. You may need to ask a roads scholar.
DYLAN: Before you can call him a man?
ROSIE: The isle of man? You can’t walk there on a road–it’s an island.

The Battle of the Gravelly Voices round 6

LEONARD COHEN: It’s 4 in the morning, the end of December.
TOM WAITS: All night long on the broken glass
COHEN: I’m writing you now just to see if you’re better
WAITS: Livin’ in a medicine chest
COHEN: New York is cold , but I like where I’m living
WAITS: Mediterranean hotel sprawled across a roll top desk
COHEN: There’s music on Clinton Street all through the evening
WAITS: The monkey rode the blade on an overhead fan / They paint the donkey blue if you pay*
COHEN: I hear that you’re building your little house deep in the desert
WAITS: I got a telephone call from Istanbul
COHEN: You’re living for nothing now
WAITS: My baby’s coming home today!
[PUBLIC SERVICE MESSAGE (They Might Be Giants): If you’ve got a date in Constantinople she’ll be waiting in Istanbul!]
COHEN: I hope you’re keeping some kind of record
WAITS: Will you sell me one of those if I shave my head?
COHEN: Yes. And…Jane came by with a lock of your hair.
WAITS: Get me out of town
COHEN: She said that you gave it to her
WAITS: Is what Fireball said
COHEN: That night that you said you’d get clear.
WAITS [thinking]: …
COHEN: Did you ever get clear?
DONKEY [thinking]: …
COHEN: The next time I saw you, you looked so much older. Your famous blue raincoat was torn at the shoulder.
WAITS: Never trust a man in a blue trenchcoat
COHEN: You’d been to the station to meet every train, and you came home without Lili Marlene.
WAITS: Never drive a car when you’re dead.**

___

*If you choose to paint your ass, please use a non-toxic paint.
**Painting animals to match your outerwear is also ill-advised, regardless of name recognition.

Poetry Crisis Valentines 2004

Poetry Crisis Valentines 2024

Gil Scott-Heron

Roses are red,
butterflies are free,
the revolution will not
be shown on TV

Robert Browning

Roses are red,
violets are blue.
If I strangle you now
will you always be true?

Coleridge (Kubla Khan)

Roses are red,
violets are blue,
I’ll build you a pleasurdome
in Xanadu.
I decree you are my valentine!

Shakespeare

Blue is the violet,
red is the rose,
which, by some other name,
would still please the nose.

Carl Sandburg

Roses are red
Sugar is sweet
The fog rolls in on
Little cat feet

Douglas Adams

Roses are red,
Violets are Blue,
The ulitimate answer
Is 42.

 

 

The Battle of the Gravelly Voices Round 5

LEONARD COHEN: It’s 4 in the morning, the end of December.
TOM WAITS: All night long on the broken glass
COHEN: I’m writing you now just to see if you’re better
WAITS: Livin’ in a medicine chest
COHEN: New York is cold , but I like where I’m living
WAITS: Mediterranean hotel sprawled across a roll top desk
COHEN: There’s music on Clinton Street all through the evening
WAITS: The monkey rode the blade on an overhead fan / They paint the donkey blue if you pay*
COHEN: I hear that you’re building your little house deep in the desert
WAITS: I got a telephone call from Istanbul
COHEN: You’re living for nothing now
WAITS: My baby’s coming home today!
[PUBLIC SERVICE MESSAGE (They Might Be Giants): If you’ve got a date in Constantinople she’ll be waiting in Istanbul!]
COHEN: I hope you’re keeping some kind of record
WAITS: Will you sell me one of those if I shave my head?
COHEN: Yes. And…Jane came by with a lock of your hair.
WAITS: Get me out of town
COHEN: She said that you gave it to her
WAITS: Is what Fireball said
COHEN: That night that you said you’d get clear.
WAITS [thinking]: …
COHEN: Did you ever get clear?
DONKEY [thinking]: …

___

*If you choose to paint your ass, please use a non-toxic paint.

Battle of the Gravelly Voices (round 4)

LEONARD COHEN: It’s 4 in the morning, the end of December.
TOM WAITS: All night long on the broken glass
COHEN: I’m writing you now just to see if you’re better
WAITS: Livin’ in a medicine chest
COHEN: New York is cold , but I like where I’m living
WAITS: Mediterranean hotel sprawled across a roll top desk
COHEN: There’s music on Clinton Street all through the evening
WAITS: The monkey rode the blade on an overhead fan / They paint the donkey blue if you pay*
COHEN: I hear that you’re building your little house deep in the desert
WAITS: I got a telephone call from Istanbul
COHEN: You’re living for nothing now
WAITS: My baby’s coming home today!
[PUBLIC SERVICE MESSAGE (They Might Be Giants): If you’ve got a date in Constantinople she’ll be waiting in Istanbul!]
COHEN: I hope you’re keeping some kind of record
WAITS: Will you sell me one of those if I shave my head?
COHEN: Yes. And…Jane came by with a lock of your hair.
WAITS: Get me out of town

___

*If you choose to paint your ass, please use a non-toxic paint.

Battle of the Gravelly Voices: Leonard Cohen vs Tom Waits (round 3)

LEONARD COHEN: It’s 4 in the morning, the end of December.
TOM WAITS: All night long on the broken glass
COHEN: I’m writing you now just to see if you’re better
WAITS: Livin’ in a medicine chest
COHEN: New York is cold , but I like where I’m living
WAITS: Mediterranean hotel sprawled across a roll top desk
COHEN: There’s music on Clinton Street all through the evening
WAITS: The monkey rode the blade on an overhead fan / They paint the donkey blue if you pay*
COHEN: I hear that you’re building your little house deep in the desert
WAITS: I got a telephone call from Istanbul
COHEN: You’re living for nothing now
WAITS: My baby’s coming home today!
[PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT (They Might Be Giants): If you’ve got a date in Constantinople she’ll be waiting in Istanbul!]

___

*If you choose to paint your ass, please use a non-toxic paint.

Battle of the Gravelly Voices (Waits vs Cohen) round 2

LEONARD COHEN: It’s 4 in the morning, the end of December.
TOM WAITS: All night long on the broken glass
COHEN: I’m writing you now just to see if you’re better
WAITS: Livin’ in a medicine chest
COHEN: New York is cold , but I like where I’m living
WAITS: Mediterranean hotel sprawled across a roll top desk
COHEN: There’s music on Clinton Street all through the evening
WAITS: The monkey rode the blade on an overhead fan / They paint the donkey blue if you pay*

___

*If you choose to paint your ass, please use a non-toxic paint.

The Battle of the Gravelly Voices: Leonard Cohen vs Tom Waits (round 1)

LEONARD COHEN: It’s 4 in the morning, the end of December.
TOM WAITS: All night long on the broken glass
COHEN: I’m writing you now just to see if you’re better
WAITS: Livin’ in a medicine chest

Clement Clarke Moore and/or Major Henry Livingston, Jr, call the Poetry Crisis Line (part 6)

CLEMENT CLARKE MOORE: We had just settled down
MAJ. HENRY LIVINGSTON, JR: For our long winter’s nap.
ROSIE (counselor): You mean like a bear?

[For earlier installments of this series, click here.]