Ogden Nash calls the Poetry Crisis Line

COUNSELOR     Poetry Crisis Line. What is your emergency?

CALLER:      When called by a panther

COUNSELOR:      Really? You sound kind of articulate for a big cat.

CALLER:      Don’t anther.

COUNSELOR:      A little late for that, sir, don’t you think?

CALLER:     …

COUNSELOR:      I see you’re taking your own advice.

CALLER:     …

COUNSELOR:      What if I’m called by a puma?

CALLER:      Stay across the rooma?

COUNSELOR:      By a bear?

CALLER:      Pretend you’re not there.

COUNSELOR:      An eagle?

CALLER:      Try to sound regal.

COUNSELOR:      An elephant?

CALLER:      Misplace your celliphant.

COUNSELOR:      A snail?

CALLER:      Let it go to voicemail.

COUNSELOR:      A tyger tyger burning bright?

CALLER:      Lock the doors, turn off the lights.

COUNSELOR:      A lion?

CALLER:      Please stop tryin’.

COUNSELOR:      A purple cow?

CALLER:      Please stop now.

COUNSELOR:      What about a duck-billed platypus?

CALLER:     …

COUNSELOR:      Hello? Are you still there sir?

CALLER:     …

COUNSELOR:      Hello?


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