CLEMENT CLARKE MOORE: We had just settled down
MAJ. HENRY LIVINGSTON, JR: For our long winter’s nap.
ROSIE (counselor): You mean like a bear?
[For earlier installments of this series, click here.]
Author: admin
The Fanta Menace
CUSTOMER (dressed as Leia): Can I get a Coke, please?
CONCESSIONER (dressed as Palpatine): That is not the drink you’re looking for.
CUSTOMER: Pepsi is fine.
CONCESSIONER: We have no Pepsi.
CUSTOMER: Mountain Dew?
CONCESSIONER: Try or try not, there is no Dew.
CUSTOMER: What do you have?
CONCESSIONER: Fruit-flavored soft drinks only. Hahahahahahahaha!
SECOND CONCESSIONER (dressed like stormtrooper, missing cup): Damn.
In the Presence of Forks
The artificer misheard the instructions….
This knife glows in the presence of forks.
Mervyn Peake calls the Poetry Crisis Line
KIM (counselor): Poetry Crisis Line, what is your emergency?
MERVYN PEAKE (caller): Let dreams be absolute.
KIM: Good idea. I get tired of relatives showing up in mine.
The mighty Escargoth will take your questions now.
Escargoth created by Andrew Reyes
CULTIST: O, mighty Escargoth, where wert thou when we sacked EscaRome?
SNAIL DEMON ESCARGOTH: Alas, I misread the memo. I was snacking on escarole.
Costume Ideas for Furballs
Costume Ideas for Furballs
[image: Frightened cat hissing at a cat who is wearing a cone on her neck to protect her stitches]
Caption: The Cone of Indignity, while not the most comfortable accessory, can utterly terrify your sister AND get your hoomins to give you extra treats.
Bob Dylan calls the Poetry Crisis Line
ROSIE (counselor): Poetry Crisis Line, what is your emergency?
BOB DYLAN (caller): How many roads must a man walk down
ROSIE: That depends where he’s going. What does your GPS say?
DYLAN: Before you can call him a man?
ROSIE: Oh. In that case it’s up to you. Would you like me to refer you for gender-affirming voice therapy?
Warfrogged
Ada Limon calls the Poetry Crisis Line
JERRY (counselor): Poetry Crisis Line, what is your emergency?
ADA LIMON (caller): Look, we are not unspectacular things.
JERRY: True.
LIMON: We’ve come this far, survived this much.
JERRY: Good for you!
LIMON: What would happen if we decided to survive some more?
JERRY: You probably would. Until you didn’t.
LIMON: To love harder?
JERRY: Uh…about the same.
From “Dead Stars” by Ada Limon
Ettin Arcadia Egos
Ettin Arcadia Egos
SCENE: Three teenage ETTINS (2-headed giants) playing games in a video arcade.
ETTIN 1: LEFT HEAD: I got the high score!
RIGHT HEAD: We got the high score.
ETTIN 2: LEFT: I’m unbeatable!
RIGHT: Gonna trounce you, bro.
ETTIN 3: LEFT: I’m the best!
RIGHT: ‘Cept for me.