Before I Kill You (An Arch-Villainelle)
by David Sklar
Originally published in Stone Telling
Although I’m not particularly vain,
I’m sure you’d like to know how you will die,
so, first, before I kill you, I’ll explain
my brilliant plan. Don’t bother to complain;
you won’t escape, no matter how you try.
It’s not that I’m particularly vain,
it’s just that after taking all these pains
I would like you to look me in the eye
before I kill you, so I can explain:
a cistern in the mountain gathers rain
through ducts in my enormous statue’s eye
(not that I am particularly vain).
It enters a robotic water main,
which, on command, can self-electrify.
Before I kill you, now, I will explain:
I’ve added some enhancements to my brain—
you’ll nev— What’s that? You’re out? Good grief! Good bye;
good riddance. It’s a good thing I’m not vain;
next time, before I kill you, I’ll explain.