STAFFER: Poetry Crisis Line, what is your emergency?
CALLER: Love has gone and left me
COUNSELOR: I’m sorry to hear that.
CALLER: and the days are all alike;
STAFFER: It can feel like that for a while after a breakup.
CALLER: Eat I must,
STAFFER: Yes, that’s important.
CALLER: and sleep I will,
STAFFER: Yes, that too.
CALLER: and would that night were here!
STAFFER: Night is good for sleeping, but if you’re tired now, you can just–
CALLER: But ah!
STAFFER: Are you ok? What happened?
CALLER: to lie awake and hear the slow hours strike!
STAFFER: Oh. That can be rough.
CALLER: Would that it were day again!
STAFFER: What? But you just said–
CALLER: with twilight near!
STAFFER: Make up your mind, girl.
CALLER: Love has gone and left me
STAFFER: Oh, right. Sorry for being impatient.
CALLER: and I don’t know what to do;
STAFFER: Eat, sleep. Those are the big ones. Breathing is also pretty nifty.
CALLER: This or that or what you will is all the same to me;
STAFFER: I tend to go for comfort foods after a breakup. Grilled cheese. Chicken soup. Ice cream straight out of the carton…
CALLER: But all the things that I begin I leave before I’m through,
STAFFER: You don’t have to finish the whole tube of cookie dough; just make sure to eat something. [reaches down under the desk]
CALLER: There’s little use in anything as far as I can see.
STAFFER [comes up from the desk with a tub of ice cream and a large spoon]: I know it feels like that now, but–
CALLER: Love has gone and left me,
STAFFER: Yes, I know–
CALLER: and the neighbors knock and borrow,
STAFFER [eats a large spoonful of ice cream]: What, like a cup of sugar, or like your lawnmower and your car? [swallows] Never mind, it’s good to have people around.
CALLER: And life goes on
STAFFER [eats ice cream]: That’s good.
CALLER: forever
STAFFER: No, I’m pretty sure that–
CALLER: like the gnawing of a mouse,
STAFFER: Huh. You could get a cat? [eats ice cream]
CALLER: And to-morrow and to-morrow and to-morrow
STAFFER: Wait, I know this one! “Creeps in its petty pace from day to day…” [grabs a bottle of vodka from a desk drawer and takes a swig]
CALLER: and to-morrow
STAFFER: No, that’s one extra. I’m pretty sure there’s only three.
CALLER: There’s this little street
STAFFER: You don’t sound very Street. [eats ice cream] but you have one more tomorrow than Macbeth… Or, come to think of it… [drinks vodka] …did Macbeth have any tomorrows left? I mean, he was already under siege by then, right? [Eats ice cream]
CALLER: and this little house.
STAFFER [holding a sunbonnet in one hand]: Little House? I thought we were doing Shakespeare. [Puts down sunbonnet, picks up a potted plant in a miniature kilt. Moves plant like an improvised puppet, while talking with a fake Scottish accent] ’Til Birnam Wood be come to Dunsinane. [drinks]
CALLER [stares off into space and says nothing.]
STAFFER [to plant in kilt]: Have fun storming the castle! [drinks]