CLEMENT CLARKE MOORE: We had just settled down
MAJ. HENRY LIVINGSTON, JR: For our long winter’s nap.
ROSIE (counselor): You mean like a bear?
[For earlier installments of this series, click here.]
CLEMENT CLARKE MOORE: We had just settled down
MAJ. HENRY LIVINGSTON, JR: For our long winter’s nap.
ROSIE (counselor): You mean like a bear?
[For earlier installments of this series, click here.]
CUSTOMER (dressed as Leia): Can I get a Coke, please?
CONCESSIONER (dressed as Palpatine): That is not the drink you’re looking for.
CUSTOMER: Pepsi is fine.
CONCESSIONER: We have no Pepsi.
CUSTOMER: Mountain Dew?
CONCESSIONER: Try or try not, there is no Dew.
CUSTOMER: What do you have?
CONCESSIONER: Fruit-flavored soft drinks only. Hahahahahahahaha!
SECOND CONCESSIONER (dressed like stormtrooper, missing cup): Damn.
The artificer misheard the instructions….
This knife glows in the presence of forks.
KIM (counselor): Poetry Crisis Line, what is your emergency?
MERVYN PEAKE (caller): Let dreams be absolute.
KIM: Good idea. I get tired of relatives showing up in mine.
Escargoth created by Andrew Reyes
CULTIST: O, mighty Escargoth, where wert thou when we sacked EscaRome?
SNAIL DEMON ESCARGOTH: Alas, I misread the memo. I was snacking on escarole.
Costume Ideas for Furballs
[image: Frightened cat hissing at a cat who is wearing a cone on her neck to protect her stitches]
Caption: The Cone of Indignity, while not the most comfortable accessory, can utterly terrify your sister AND get your hoomins to give you extra treats.
ROSIE (counselor): Poetry Crisis Line, what is your emergency?
BOB DYLAN (caller): How many roads must a man walk down
ROSIE: That depends where he’s going. What does your GPS say?
DYLAN: Before you can call him a man?
ROSIE: Oh. In that case it’s up to you. Would you like me to refer you for gender-affirming voice therapy?
The artificer misread my order…
…and all I got was this warfrogged.
JERRY (counselor): Poetry Crisis Line, what is your emergency?
ADA LIMON (caller): Look, we are not unspectacular things.
JERRY: True.
LIMON: We’ve come this far, survived this much.
JERRY: Good for you!
LIMON: What would happen if we decided to survive some more?
JERRY: You probably would. Until you didn’t.
LIMON: To love harder?
JERRY: Uh…about the same.
From “Dead Stars” by Ada Limon
SCENE: Three teenage ETTINS (2-headed giants) playing games in a video arcade.
ETTIN 1: LEFT HEAD: I got the high score!
RIGHT HEAD: We got the high score.
ETTIN 2: LEFT: I’m unbeatable!
RIGHT: Gonna trounce you, bro.
ETTIN 3: LEFT: I’m the best!
RIGHT: ‘Cept for me.