Michael Stipe calls the Rock & Roll Crisis Line, part 1

MOE (counselor): Rock & Roll Crisis Line, what is your emergency?
MICHAEL STIPE (caller): I’m pushing an elephant up the stairs.
MOE: Uh…
STIPE: I’m tossing out punch lines
MOE: Right. Uh…don’t stand too close behind an elephant.
STIPE: that were never there.
MOE: It’s a good place not to be. It could get messy.
STIPE: Over my shoulder
MOE: Your shoulder, your face, everywhere.
STIPE: a piano falls
MOE: Wait, are you describing a dream?
STIPE: crashing to the ground.
MOE: Because that sounds a bit like a REM state.

The best plural noun of my generation

GINSBERG: I saw the best [PLURAL NOUN] of my generation destroyed by Mad Libs, starving, hysterical, [ADJECTIVE!]!

Chen Chen calls the Poetry Crisis Line

JERRY (counselor): Poetry Crisis Line, what is your emergency?
CHEN CHEN (caller): You are the ice cream sandwich connoisseur of your generation.
JERRY: Glad to have a skill I can fall back on.

Happy Midsummer and happy Pride Month!

Read the rest of “Summer” by Chen Chen here.

Sjohnna McCray calls the Poetry Crisis Line

KIM (counselor): Poetry Crisis Line, what is your emergency?
SJOHNNA MCCRAY: Rage is the language of men.
KIM: Let me see if I can find you a translator.
LUTHER (anger translator): Luther here. What the @#!? is your problem?

In celebration of both Father’s Day and Juneteenth this Sunday. Click here to read “Portrait of My Father as a Young Black Man” by Sjohnna McCray

Nigel Turtleneck on authoritarianism

Of course I’m concerned about authoritarianism.
I don’t want to get eaten!

Chicago Picasso revisited

We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming to report on current events.

THE CHICAGO PICASSO (caller): We do not hug the Mona Lisa.
PATIENCE (counselor): Did you hear? One person tried to give her cake.
THE CHICAGO PICASSO: I’m glad people still care about starving art.

See past installments of the Chicago Picasso’s call here and here.

Poets Answer Another Age-Old Question: Elizabeth Barrett Browning on how many poets it takes to change a light bulb

Poets Answer Another Age-Old Question

How many poets does it take to change a light bulb?

Elizabeth Barrett Browning

How many poets? Let me count them, please.
One brings a ladder to attain the height
So they can reach the socket for the light.
Another climbs the ladder’s rungs with ease,
Forgetting something vital. When he sees,
He asks another, “Kind sir, if you might
Hand me the light bulb over on your right?”
So: Poets changing light bulbs work in threes.

ROBERT: Your poem ought to have more lines than these.

ELIZABETH: This is no sonnet; I’m not Portuguese.