Anonymous calls the Poetry Crisis Line (illustrated)
Langston Hughes calls the Poetry Crisis Line (illustrated)
Excerpted from “Let America be America Again” by Langston Hughes.
Costume Ideas for Poets Part 2: More Options for Women
Because a friend rightly pointed out that the last post didn’t offer a lot of options for women to choose from.
Costume Ideas for Poets
James W. Hall calls the Poetry Crisis Line
COUNSELOR: Poetry Crisis Line, what is your emergency?
CALLER: All my pwoblems
COUNSELOR: Could you be more specific?
CALLER: who knows, maybe evwybody’s pwoblems
COUNSELOR: That would be less specific, sir. Can you focus on the problem you’re facing right now?
CALLER: is due to da fact,
COUNSELOR: So they all share a single cause? Like addiction or an overbearing mother?
CALLER: due to da awful truth
COUNSELOR: It’s OK. You can tell me.
CALLER: dat I am SPIDERMAN.
COUNSELOR: Wow. Really? I’m a huge fan!
CALLER: I know. I know. All da dumb jokes:
COUNSELOR: Oh, you mean like how the villains always call you “webhead,” like you haven’t heard it before?
CALLER: No flies on you, ha ha,
COUNSELOR: That one is new to me.
CALLER: and da ones about what do I do wit all / doze extwa legs in bed.
COUNSELOR: People really say that?
CALLER: Well, dat’s funny yeah.
COUNSELOR: Maybe a little bit.
CALLER: But you twy being / SPIDERMAN for a month or two.
COUNSELOR: That’s not what I was saying, I just–
CALLER: Go ahead.
COUNSELOR: I just think you should stop beating yourself up about your Uncle Ben, that’s all.
Read the original here.
If All Poems Were Limericks: J. Alfred Prufrock
I realize that what I should be
is ragged claws under the sea:
I can’t get a date
and it’s getting late
and the mermaids aren’t talking to me.
Robert Service calls the Poetry Crisis Line, part 2
Read part 1 here
CALLER: Now Sam McGee was from Tennessee,
COUNSELOR: What part?
CALLER: where the cotton blooms and blows.
COUNSELOR: Um…
CALLER: Why he left his home in the South to roam ’round the Pole,
COUNSELOR: So he was a dancer?
CALLER: God only knows.
COUNSELOR: But you just said–
CALLER: He was always cold,
COUNSELOR: Was there visible shrinkage?
CALLER: but the land of gold seemed to hold him like a spell;
COUNSELOR: So he made good tips?
CALLER: Though he’d often say in his homely way
COUNSELOR: Right. So was he a good dancer? If he was homely but still got good tips.
CALLER: that “he’d sooner live in hell.”
COUNSELOR: Exotic dancing isn’t for everyone. Sometimes people burn out quickly.
The Gates of Hell call the Poetry Crisis Line
[side by side (with a little overlap), they look something like this]:
From Dante’s Inferno, Canto III
Illustration by David Sklar. Additional artwork by Hieronymus Bosch.
William Carlos Williams re-calls the Poetry Crisis Line
COUNSELOR: Poetry Crisis Line, what is your emergency?
CALLER: My wife’s new pink slippers
have gay pom-poms.
COUNSELOR: Is it any of your business? And how can you tell?
CALLER: There is not a spot or a stain
on their satin toes or their sides.
COUNSELOR: Hmm. But they could be metrosexual.
CALLER: All night they lie together
under her bed’s edge.
COUNSELOR: OK, that’s more convincing. But slippers just stay together.
CALLER: Shivering I catch sight of them
COUNSELOR: Oh!
CALLER: and smile,
COUNSELOR: I’m glad you’re comfortable with it. But please don’t watch them. They may want their privacy.
Read the original here